If You Want to Go
by Mother Nature's Daughter
Summary: Elizabeth's married to the man she loves, but she longs to be at sea. Will sees that his wife's heart is split in two, and 'sets her free'...But whoever said Elizabeth wanted to leave Will? Willabeth. Oneshot.


21, Nov., 2007

**Author's Note:** Okay. Actually, this oneshot isn't so terrible (grammar and stuff-wise, I mean), as some of my older stories I've been rifling through lately. But, still.

**Disclaimer:** The italics near the bottom is an excerpt from "If You Want to Stay" by Keith Urban. The rest belongs to...other people that aren't me.

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**If You Want to Go**

The lapping of the waves against the shoreline brought Elizabeth Turner out of a light sleep. Groaning, she rolled over from her back to her side. There was no way that the night was over—she felt as if she had just went to sleep.

But, then…Elizabeth had been staying up later, just to watch the horizon, to listen to the ocean murmur to her. She couldn't stop thinking about what she had let slip through her fingers…

That considered, could the night still have passed so quickly? Elizabeth opened her eyes a crack and saw that morning was indeed here.

She opened her eyes the rest of the way and stretched her arms above her head. Sighing, Elizabeth rolled back over on her side and stared at the empty pillow beside her own. Her husband, whom she had been married to for a little over a year, usually occupied that spot, but Will always got up before dawn to head off to the smithy, which he was in the process of owning completely.

Elizabeth was proud of her husband, and the work he did in the blacksmith shop, but she couldn't help feeling more than a little restless when left alone every day. Only one maid occupied the house, cleaning and helping Elizabeth were she need aid.; but the elderly woman rarely spoke, and it was draining to even try to carry on a conversation with her. The couple had no children, nor was any expected sometime soon. They were still only recently married, both of them agreed, why rush into parenthood?

_Especially when we have the rest of our lives._

Will always added that line to whomever asked about them becoming parents; grinning and holding her hand sweetly as he said it. All Elizabeth could do, though, was grin awkwardly and agree hesitantly. She knew Will loved her, and she loved him, too, she really did; but when he talked like that…By talking about spending the rest our their lives together, he seemed to be reminding himself that she was with him, that he had not lost her.

And he hadn't…He had come close, or so he thought, but he hadn't. Elizabeth had stayed with him. Will could constantly be seen looking at her, never taking for granted the fact that she was _here._

But for Elizabeth, the event had the opposite effect. Will cherished the fact that she had stayed, but Elizabeth thought daily of what would've happened if she _hadn't_.

A year and a half ago, Elizabeth Swann—for that was her name then—and William Turner had returned to Port Royal after eleven months at sea. The journey that took them away from the home they had grown up in had begun with Lord Beckett forcing Will to set out and find an old acquaintance, a pirate by the name of Jack Sparrow; then spiraled out of control with the death of Jack. From there, Will and Elizabeth had begun the mission to rescue Jack from World's End and rid Port Royal of Beckett's influence. They had succeed, and both she, Will, and Jack had survived.

So after eleven months, Jack, Will and Elizabeth, had to part ways. Jack was going back to sea, because that was all he knew to do, all he wanted to do. Will was to return to Port Royal and live out his life with Elizabeth as his wife. But that was were the complications began.

A year and a half ago, Jack Sparrow had given Elizabeth Swann a choice. She could stay here in Port Royal, or she could come with him, and get out of this place—Like she'd always wanted. There would be no attachments, Jack Sparrow had said; he did want to be involved with her, only thought she might enjoy a life at sea. Besides that, he was short a few crewmembers.

Elizabeth would not deny she had been tempted to take his offer and to go with him; but…

She hadn't. She had chosen to stay—Here, with Will.

Because she really did love him.

-o0o-

Elizabeth slid gracefully out of bed and wrapped herself up in the silky soft robe to go over her nightdress. She didn't feel like dressing right now, though she'd have to sooner or later.

Her mind weighing heavy with all that she was remembering this morning, as she did every morning and night, Elizabeth went out to stand on the small balcony that stood off her and Will's room. She rested her elbows on the railing and cupped her chin in her palms. She could smell the salt from the sea from here, and the horizon stretched on endlessly, challenged only by the never-ending ocean waves.

The ocean was such a beautiful piece of art…Elizabeth loved it dearly, and it was when she was staring at it, like she was now, she always wondered if the decision she had made was the correct one. Had she done right, staying here in Port Royal? The sea had owned her heart since she was just a young girl, and yet when she was offered the choice to go to it, she had declined.

It was too late to sail with Jack Sparrow, though finding him later and joining his crew then was not out of the question. At least then she would be sailing with friends. But should she even try to leave? Even if it was too late to go with Jack, was it too late to sail the ocean entirely?

Elizabeth went back inside her room. She would get dressed, now, but without the corset—it was impossible to put on alone, and she didn't have time to call the maid. And then, when she was clothed in her simplest dress, Elizabeth would, like she always did when she wanted to be closer to the ocean, go down to sit on the beach.

-o0o-

Working in the smithy was hot, backbreaking work. But it didn't require that much reason for speaking, especially when working alone; and when someone has done it for as long as Will Turner had, it didn't require that much thought either. Instead, it allowed the young blacksmith's mind to wander to other matters.

Elizabeth had done it again. Last night.

She had stayed up late, looking out over the water and dreaming. She thought she hid it so well, her desire to leave the town, but Will noticed. What kind of husband would he be if he didn't pay attention to the things his wife, not only said, but didn't say? Besides, Elizabeth didn't need to say anything—Will could see it her eyes, the long, mournful stares she gave the ocean. Elizabeth could never lie very well—not with those eyes. They spoke for her.

She'd done it since Jack had left. At first, Will had worried that his fears had come true; that Elizabeth truly had fallen in love with Jack. He assumed that she mourned for his leaving, and wished she could have gone with him.

But when Will had re-proposed to Elizabeth, she had agreed. Not out of pity, or duty, but because she loved him. Will could see it her eyes. And when he vowed to love her forever, and she vowed to love him forever, her eyes said she wasn't lying.

So it wasn't Jack Sparrow she mourned for…It was the life of adventure the ocean offered. Will should've guessed it first—Even when they were silly kids Elizabeth had an unnatural need to be near the adventurous ocean.

Will was content with his life; he was married to love of his life, and he didn't mind being a blacksmith. It was never in his natural to be outgoing and daring—he was the quieter, simpler type. He wouldn't be able to stand a life at sea; he was more at ease on land. He supposed that came from his mother, his father being in the same trade as Jack.

Elizabeth was different, though. She always had been. She was restless here, and would love to live at sea. Will feared only one thing kept her here.

Him.

If he, Will Turner, ever did turn out to be the reason Elizabeth never got to live the life she dreamed; if he ever did turn out to be the reason Elizabeth was unhappy…He would hate himself for it.

-o0o-

Will closed the blacksmith earlier than he normally did, but he doubted anyone would notice. Business had been slow lately, and he doubted it would pick up anytime soon. He needed to get home and talk with Elizabeth, anyway. He'd thought on it for a long while, and finally decided that he needed to tell Elizabeth—Don't stay strictly out of love for him.

Will always lived in fear that he would return home from work one day to find his wife gone. Find she had left him without a moment's notice to go to sea. And if she ever really was going to leave, Will wanted Elizabeth to know she didn't have to 'escape.' He would let her go.

Actually, he had come home from the smithy on a day not so long ago and couldn't find Elizabeth anywhere in the house. Finally he had found hugging her knees to her chest as she sat on the beach near their house. She had claimed to be getting a bit anxious and needed to come down for some fresh air. Will knew it was that was true, but also knew it was by no accident that her walk had lead her to the ocean.

That same event had happened at least twice more since then, and Will had a hunch Elizabeth would be there again today. She didn't do it every day, not even once a week. But Will could always tell when Elizabeth's desire to be near the ocean was greater than usual—He could see it her eyes, like always. He told her often that he could read it her so well, that her eyes told him what she didn't, but she was always amazed when he knew without being told.

_There. _The walk from the smithy to the beach was short, and Will had reached the ocean side in no time at all. And sure enough, just like Will figured she would be, Elizabeth was sitting in the sand staring at the horizon.

-o0o-

Elizabeth never could tell if the sitting on the beach helped her, or harmed her. If, by sitting so close, she was feeding her hunger or only torturing herself.

But she did know that she couldn't stay away, even if it was only making her feel worse.

Elizabeth was still debating whether or not it was too late to go to sea. Should she try? Go for a little awhile until her need was filled? Then she would come back, right? Or would she find that, once out there, she could never come back?

But Will…Elizabeth loved him with all her heart, and didn't want to leave him. Was her love for her husband stronger than her loved for the ocean?

She didn't know.

And she hated herself for it. She hated herself for not knowing. She hated herself for not being entirely sure she loved Will more. She hated herself wanting to leave. She hated herself for thinking about leaving Will. She would hate herself for not coming back. And yet…She loved every second of her love for the ocean. Which begged the question: If she didn't leave…Would she hate herself for staying?

"There's no way I won't hate myself," Elizabeth half choked, half sobbed out to herself.

"Don't say that, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth startled at the sound of Will's voice behind her. Turning, she saw her husband, who finally decided to make his presence known, come up from behind her. Wordlessly, he sat down beside her and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulder.

Elizabeth leaned into him and breathed in the scent of sawdust his clothes always carried. It was a familiar smell, a comforting smell. If she went to sea, would she ever smell that smell again?

"Will, I…" Elizabeth raised her head off his shoulder long enough to look into his eyes. But her husband shushed her, placing a finger to her lips and letting it linger. Her lips tingled where he touched her and she said no more.

Go if you wanna go…

Stay if you wanna stay…

"_I know. It__'s okay," He soothed. "I know you're not happy here, Elizabeth. And it's okay. I'll always love you, whether you stay on land or chose to step foot on a ship and never return."_

The thought pained him, Elizabeth saw. And she loved him all the more for doing this for her. For giving her the choice.

She burrowed her face in his shoulder and mumbled so quietly Will almost didn't hear.

"Thank you."

_Dream what you wanna dream  
_

Be who you've gotta be

I never wanna be the one

Who kept you from being free…

"_Only stay if you want to, Elizabeth,__" Will whispered to her quietly. "And only go if you want to."_

"_Thank you,__" Elizabeth said again, raising her head to look up at him. "I know this is hard for you. You don't want me to leave—"_

_Will placed another finger on her lips and Elizabeth silenced. It was__n't only because Will was asking her to, but because the feel of his finger on her lips left her breathless. _

"_I want you to be happy,__" He said. "And if leaving is what you have to do to be happy; then I want you to…" His voice cracked and he was unable to say he wanted her to leave. Swallowing, he started over. "If you have to leave to find the peace you so obviously can't find here, then do it."_

_  
__I don't wanna lose  
_

_Everything our love has made  
_

_I don't wanna feel alone  
_

_Whenever you go away__…_

But…Go if you wanna go…

Stay if you wanna stay…

Elizabeth stared out over the horizon. She needed to be near the ocean. She needed it around, so she can stare out over and see all the opportunity the world can offer her. She needed it around, so she can look out at sea before turning to her husband and having her decision become clear.

Like now.

Elizabeth breathed deeply, loving the scent of Will. And, in response to her earlier thought, she knew if she left, she would never smell him again. And she wasn't sure she could accept that.

Go if you wanna go…

Stay if you wanna sta_y…_

Maybe the need to see the world would never leave her. Maybe she would always desire to be at sea. But now, when she thought of which pull was stronger—the love of the ocean or the love for Will—she immediately knew which one she couldn't live without.

Elizabeth knew that Will's place would never be at sea. And she also knew that her place was with him.

"You know," Elizabeth said. "I couldn't for the life of me decide what I wanted—because I wanted everything. I don't know why I couldn't decide before. But I know why I can now."

She leaned into Will and rested her head on his chest. He held her close and she was soothed by the comforting rise and fall of his chest.

"You gave me a choice. Stay if I want to stay; go if I want to go. It's because you loved me enough to let me go, Will." From her spot on his chest, she could feel his breathing become irregular for a moment, because he thought he knew where she was going with her small speech.

But he didn't. Elizabeth could tell by his heartbeat he hadn't seen her decision coming when she murmured almost inaudibly, her voice muffled by his shirt,

"And I want to stay."


End file.
